Gods & Monsters: The Gods & Monsters Trilogy Book 1 Read online

  How dare he make her feel this way. Didn’t he know she would ruin him? That’s all she ever did. She’d destroy everyone. The burning feeling she once craved from him would consume her. She would do something she’d never be able to take back. Then he’d leave. One way or another, he’d leave, and she’d be in agony.

  She looked back at his worried stare and forced all thoughts and feelings away. She didn’t know how she could do it while looking into those eyes of his, but she did.

  An icy prick touched her wrist and slid into her veins. The sensation reminded her of receiving pain medication intravenously. The cold liquid feeling crawled up her arm, chasing the fire that had spread until it cornered and smothered it in lovely ice.

  She sighed and embraced the numbing anesthetic until she felt—

  David sighed and cupped her face as he shook his head. “No… No, baby, come back to me. I saw you.” He forced her to look at him. “Look at me; quit looking through me and listen to me… I know you don’t want to feel any more pain, and you’re afraid to lose me. Believe me, I wish I could take away all your pain. I can’t, though. But I swear I will be with you through it all.” He smoothed her hair back. “You don’t have to worry about me leaving; I will be with you. Always.”

  She blinked once.

  David sighed as his eyes fell to her pink lips. He lowered his face to hers until their lips were almost touching, and she felt his breath sweeping across her lips. “Baby, where are you?” His thumb rubbed her cheek. “Even your body feels cold and empty. Where are you, Jane?”

  He moved closer but stopped and glanced up at her eyes. For a few seconds, he simply stared at her, then leaned forward and kissed her cheek. He pulled back enough to rest his forehead against hers. “I love you.”

  It was like a damn match lit in her chest again. Please not again.

  “I will always love you,” he went on. “And I will wait for you. But wherever you are hiding, listen to me—I am here. I will always be here. You do not have to face your battles alone. I can be with you. I want to be there to hold you through whatever you face. Please let me have that chance. Why can’t you see I’m not like them?”

  She let out a harsh breath, and he pulled back to see watery eyes.

  “There you are.” He caressed her hair. “Stay, Jane. Just stay.”

  “You should go,” she said, not showing any distress, though her lungs felt like they were engulfed in flames while her eyes burned right along with them. “The others are waiting.”

  He stared at her for a moment, and she forced her gaze over his shoulder.

  He nodded but pulled her closer to kiss her forehead. “I love you,” he murmured, leaving his lips against her skin, feeding the inferno burning her from the inside. “I’ll be back. I am only going to help the others, but I will be back. Just stay here.”

  She nodded and pulled out of his hold.

  “Get Dagonet if you need anything.”

  She nodded again and tried her best to keep her face neutral.

  “Are you okay?” He studied her face. “I can stay, Jane. Or we can go to the creek if you want.”

  She looked all around the room, panicked, before looking back at him. “I’m fine.” I’m not fine! “I just forgot where I was.”

  “Okay,” he said. “But I can tell the others if you need me to stay.”

  “No.” She stepped farther away from him. “I’ll be okay.”

  He looked up at the ceiling briefly before he looked back to her. He didn’t say anything else and left.

  Jane opened and closed her mouth over and over as she stared at the closed door. She couldn’t get enough air. Tears gathered, ready to pour down her face as she listened to him talking to someone. She wanted to cry out for him to come back—to not leave her. They were all leaving her. He just said he wouldn’t, but he was leaving!

  But no words came. She couldn’t make a sound.

  As their footsteps faded and the front door shut, she frantically looked all around the room as if she could find protection or something to save her—anything to fix whatever was being ripped from her chest.

  Rip them apart, something whispered to her mind.

  She mutely sobbed and shook her head at the menacing thought.

  Nothing will stop you, it said. No one can stop you.

  She finally stumbled back to the bed and sat down, still looking for something that could make it better.

  Nothing will help. Nothing here, at least.

  She needed to hide again. She nodded to herself as she thought this. Hide inside her mind—where nothing hurt. She had to get there again. And this time, she’d build stronger walls to keep David and the others out.

  Yes. Hide inside. You could hurt him. Is that what you want?

  She shook her head. No, they couldn’t come close again. She didn’t want to hurt him.

  It would be so horrible.

  Please stop, she begged the thoughts to go away.

  David would have to give up after a while. She just had to make it so she couldn’t hear him. That way he would lose hope. He was too good for her.

  He is too good for you… Let him go. You keep saying you will. Do it.

  She nearly screamed at all the thoughts, but she could only open her mouth as her silent cries went unnoticed and, eventually, she accepted the silence. She surrendered to the chill that had lingered and sought out to smother the warmth David left.

  Her rapidly beating heart slowed, and her breathing became effortless as she continued to stare at the wall in front of her, emptying her mind. The cold, numbing sensation crept in, stronger now.

  Minute after minute passed, and each second of those minutes, she slipped further into oblivion. She would gladly sit there undisturbed until she rotted, but a flicker of white light suddenly warmed the side of her face.

  Not bothered, she merely tilted her head to get a better look at the man standing before her. She didn’t think she recognized him, but something about him seemed familiar enough.

  He stayed quiet and watched her, his face just as inexpressive as hers. Slowly, though, a malicious smile crept up on his handsome face.

  She did not react, and his gray eyes seemed to gleam with satisfaction at this. Still, he said nothing, but after smiling almost cruelly for a short moment, his gaze softened. She still did not react, and he kept quiet as he gazed into her eyes.

  He gracefully knelt in front of her before reaching out with his right hand to touch her cheek.

  She didn’t move—didn’t flinch when his cold fingers slid down around her jaw. She stared at his neatly combed blond hair and perfect features.

  He rubbed her lips with his thumb. “Hello, Jane.” Her lips parted on their own, and he gave her a brilliant smile. “I am Lucifer.”

  She knew she should’ve been afraid, but she wasn’t. She knew who he was and how dangerous he was, but she felt safe in his presence. This shouldn’t be so, after all, he wanted to take her from Death. He wanted her soul.

  However, his beauty and smile promised her something. Somehow, even without knowing what it was exactly, she wanted that promise.

  “Hello,” she said.

  He smiled again. “I will not hurt you. I only want to talk.” She nodded. “I know what you’re feeling, Jane. You are afraid of hurting again. You have been hurt so much, haven’t you?”

  “Yes. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I can’t—I can’t do it anymore.” Even though her voice gave no hint of emotion, she could tell he saw her desperation. The way he stared at her, she somehow felt he had found where she was hiding.

  “I know,” he said. “I am sorry you were hurt. I promise you I was never aware of your sufferings.”

  Jane tilted her head as she searched his face. “I believe you.”

  He smoothed her hair back, smiling. It was fake, but a breathtaking smile nonetheless.

  “Thank you, Jane,” he said, as his gaze moved between her eyes. She wondered why he looked genuinely touched by her trust. “
I know Death has told you of our wager; you have nothing to fear from me. I only seek to give you all you have ever desired, and I know what it is you desire more than anything: to keep your loved ones safe, and to not be tortured inside your mind.” She nodded. “I can keep you from feeling that pain again, and I can help you forget it all. Isn’t that what you want?”

  His cold fingers trailed down her neck, spreading a numbing sensation.

  Yes, that’s what she wanted. It hurt too much to not have her family. To not have Death by her side. To not return David’s love.

  She nodded, and his smile grew.

  “I will make it go away,” he said. “And then they will be safe. But you must come to me. I cannot help you here. You must get away from them. Will you do that?”

  She looked into Lucifer’s eyes and saw he could give her what she wanted, but David’s smile surfaced in her mind, and her lip trembled. She wanted him to come back.

  Lucifer was there, though, and he quickly pulled her into his arms. “Shh… I will make it go away.” His alluring voice softened as he tilted her face up. He did not explain, but she stayed still as he lowered his mouth to the corner of hers.

  Ice. It spread out from his kiss, smothering all the warmth that lingered without her knowing.

  David’s face and loving smile slowly faded from her mind, Death’s sweet kisses and comfort vanished from her soul, Natalie and Nathan’s laughter, and her commitment to Jason—all of it—banished from her entire being. Sweet oblivion…

  Lucifer pulled back and studied her for a few quiet seconds before his eyes glinted with silver, and he grinned. “That’s better now, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” said Jane, though she hardly felt aware of what happened around her now.

  “It will not last. Not unless you come to me. Will you come to me, Jane?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. It’s not far from here. You must go alone. I cannot take you because this is something you must do on your own. But I will be waiting for you at the cemetery nearby. Do you know which one I mean?”

  Somehow she did, and she nodded.

  “That is where I can take you to a place where you will never feel pain again. I will take it all away. You only have to wait until the guard comes to check on you, then you must slip out the window after he leaves.”

  “Okay.”

  “That’s a good girl… Come to me, and I will make everything better. Nothing will ever hurt you again. No more pain. No more sadness or fear. Nothing. You will feel nothing.”

  Jane stared up at him and nodded.

  Nothing.

  With a victorious smile, he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers. She didn’t kiss back, but it hardly seemed to matter to him.

  He pulled away from her mouth and looked over his shoulder. “The guard is coming. Dismiss him, then do as I have instructed.”

  Jane nodded back, and he pulled her face to his once again, kissing her harder this time. Still, she remained frozen, and still, he didn’t appear to care.

  After he stopped kissing her, he kept his lips close. “I will be waiting. It’s almost over, Jane.” Another chilly kiss. “Come to me.”

  GET AWAY FROM THE GUARDS… That’s all Jane could think while she continued to stare at the empty space where Lucifer had been standing. Lucifer. He would help her. He would make it all better. Nothing else mattered, just getting to him.

  There was a light knock on the door.

  “Yes?” She hardly recognized the sound of her detached voice.

  The door opened slowly to reveal Dagonet, the guard she somewhat remembered meeting. He smiled before he took a single step into the room. She knew he must be a kind man, but all she saw when she looked at him was an obstacle on her quest to join Lucifer.

  “Hello again,” he said. “I wanted to make sure you were holding up all right—I’m about to take up my post again.”

  It was then she remembered where she was: the house neighboring her old home and her family.

  Not a single ounce of emotion manifested at the thought of them.

  “I’m fine,” she said.

  He frowned and stepped into the room. “Are you sure?”

  She stared back, unaffected by his concern. “Yes, I’m sure. You can return to your post. I’ll come find you if I need anything.”

  “You know, Jane. I have suffered similar losses to those that you have experienced. Obviously you have suffered in ways I have not, but I do understand what it’s like to lose one’s family.”

  “I’m fine, honestly.”

  He ignored her clear refusal to have this conversation and went on. “I don’t mean to be impolite, but you are not fine. Closing yourself off like this is dangerous, Jane. I know it hurts to feel so much pain; I really do, but you will eventually regret what you are doing right now.”

  Jane looked at the man in front of her curiously. He looked much different from her knights. Physically, he appeared to be older, but she was certain that wasn’t the case. Then she realized she couldn’t look away from his black eyes.

  Despite her mind screaming to get away from him, she asked, “What happened to you?”

  He smiled and sat next to her. “I came to Camelot with Princess Guinevere, David’s sister. I was one of her guards. At the time, I did not know that Arthur and his knights were immortals. No one did. There were rumors when he dismissed many from court—he only kept a few he deemed worthy to sit at his round table, which happened to be the few foreigners Kay, his adopted brother, had been sent to locate.

  “After Arthur wed Guinevere, the king showed interest in David’s skills. Since David’s older brother had taken the throne at their kingdom, Arthur used Guinevere as a reason to invite David into his elite group of knights. David accepted, honored to be allowed a seat at Arthur’s Round Table.

  “Others came with David, court resumed, and Arthur’s strange behavior and appearance was forgotten. After all, the kingdom prospered, and his chosen knights were honorable and brave.

  “However, one night, something was wrong. Arthur requested I go to Guinevere’s chambers. I left my wife and newborn son because my duty was to my queen.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “I took my post. I knew my queen was very stressed; she couldn’t stop pacing, but she asked about my son.”

  His tone softened as a smile came over his face. “His name was Matthew. He was only one month old, but I loved him as if I had always done so. As I began telling her more about how he was growing each day, she panicked and told me to return home. I did not understand the sudden change in her, but she ordered me to leave her—to go to my wife and son, and bring them back with me. I realized, then, the threat was already inside the castle walls.

  “I ran as fast as I could to reach our home. There were people screaming in the streets. Our forces were engaged at every turn, but I ignored my duty as a soldier and ran to my family. When I arrived, I knew I had been too late. My home had been ransacked.

  “I called out for Meghan, but she did not answer. I heard Matthew, though. His cries were weak and fading, but I ran to our room where I could hear him. That is where I found Meghan, face down in a puddle of her own blood. I could tell she had fought her attackers, but she was already dead.”

  He paused, rubbing the moisture from his dark eyes as he cleared his throat. “After I realized Meghan was gone, I focused on finding Matthew. He had stopped crying, but I heard a strangled noise coming from the side of our bed. His neck had been ripped open.”

  He blew out a hard breath and hesitated for a few seconds before speaking again. “I lifted him into my arms and did my best to apply pressure to the wound on his neck. He was so small. I knew with the amount of blood on the floor that my son was going to die in my arms. Still, I yelled out for someone to help me. My shout startled him, and when I looked down, he had opened his blue eyes. My eyes. He had my eyes.”

  Dagonet smiled sadly. “I told him that I loved him—that he brought so much joy to my life and to not be
frightened anymore because Papa was with him now.”

  Jane sat quietly still and watched a tear as it slowly slid down his cheek.

  “Finally, his weak attempts to keep breathing stopped. My wife and son were gone. I could not accept what had happened yet, and I began to rock him, humming the lullaby that Meghan always sang to him. I did not hear others as they reentered my home. When I did, it was too late.

  “I did not know it at the time—did not even know of the madness of the creatures who shared this planet with us, but a cursed vampire—two actually, attacked with strength and speed I could not begin to comprehend.

  “I fought, but I did not care if I died. My family was gone, I wanted to join them. However, they had other plans. They had nearly drained me, and I unknowingly drank their cursed blood. That is what the attack had been about, taking Arthur’s army.

  “Anyhow, I had taken enough for the change when David and Arthur came to my aid. They killed the two immortals with ease, and that was when I realized my king and prince were not who I had believed them to be.

  “I begged for them to kill me, but David argued and stopped Arthur from carrying out my last wish. I changed, and they kept me in their service after locking me away for ten years. I never wanted to take a life the way those beasts had taken my family; David helped me with that. He instructed me on how to feed without taking a life. He helped me see my curse as a way to help rid the world of the evil that took everything I held dear. I owe him everything.

  “There will be a day I pass, finally, and though I remain cursed to darkness, and I will spend eternity in Hell because of my forbidden creation, I will die knowing I have saved others from the fate my Meghan and Matthew befell. Until that day, I will remain one of the Cursed. A man whose heart stopped but whose soul remained chained to his immortal body.” He smiled sadly, and she did not react.

  “That is a horrible story,” Jane said. “And I’m sorry you’ve lost and suffered.”

  He put a cold hand over hers where it rested on her lap and squeezed it gently. “Thank you, Jane. I only want you to understand there are others who know pain like you. It may not match your sufferings, but I do understand most of it. I know you are different, though. I know you are more powerful and dangerous than any of the rest of us. Along with all the sorrow and loss you are dealing with, I imagine you must be terrified. It must seem like there is no hope—that you are all alone. I, too, have struggled with loneliness. The others, my fellow knights, they are always there, but there is a loneliness and sadness that they have yet to know.