Gods & Monsters: The Gods & Monsters Trilogy Book 1 Read online

  She found herself reflecting on her earlier actions and suddenly wondered if she’d hurt David’s feelings. Then she considered whether or not her dismissal of Dagonet’s words and the knights came off rude. Yet, as she halfheartedly pondered these questions, she realized she honestly didn’t care. She did not intend to be mean or ungrateful; there was simply nothing there. No hate, no love—just nothing.

  Although there were occasional moments of awareness inside the emptiness of her mind, they came in random waves, almost as if she were very far away and her name was being called. Who called her and what they wanted was unclear, but she found herself unable to respond anyway. The allure of nothingness was powerful, and it was where she wanted to stay.

  “Jane?” David called softly. She turned to him. “Are you all right?”

  She blinked a few times. Something about him disturbed her, and she looked away. She already knew he loved her, and she was aware she was supposed to care a great deal for him, but she couldn’t recall how it felt to give or receive such adoration. In fact, she was struggling to even remember what love felt like at all.

  A deeper voice spoke from within her house. “What are you guys doing awake?” It was Jason. “It’s too early for you to be playing. You need to go back to sleep.”

  She felt David’s stare for a few seconds, but she ignored him and listened to her family’s conversation. It was slightly bothersome to know she was supposed to love them, yet not feel a single ounce of emotion for them.

  “We’re not tired, Daddy.” Natalie whined. “And I’m hungry.”

  “But I am tired,” Jason said. “You played all night. Can’t you be quiet and sleep for another hour?”

  “I don’t know how,” Natalie said.

  “How did Jane stay sane with this?” Jason muttered.

  Jane tilted her head to the side. She remembered the nights she’d gotten little sleep and had to wake early even though she was tired. It had bothered her that Jason always slept through it all, and she tried to force herself to be affected, but try as she might, she didn’t.

  She did not feel like a mother or a wife. She didn’t even feel like she was still a person. She knew her name and her past, but she didn’t want anything or anyone.

  “Mommy?” asked Nathan.

  Jane held her breath as Jason spoke to him.

  “Oh, buddy,” he whispered. “Mommy had to go, remember?”

  David rubbed his thumb on the back of her hand. She looked down, not remembering when he had grabbed hold of it.

  Nathan cried again. “Mommy!”

  “Shh, Nathan,” Jason hushed. “Mommy had to go to the doctor. They made her feel better, but she can’t come home.”

  “Yeah, Nathan.” Natalie joined in. “You want Mommy to feel better, right?”

  “MOMMY!” he hollered.

  Jane’s breath suddenly rushed out as the pressure on her chest felt like a full-blown kick had been thrown through it. She looked around, panicked. It had taken so long for Nathan to even call her Mommy, and now he was screaming it as loud as he could.

  Memories, both painful and joyous, roared like a freight train as they forced their way into the conscious part of her mind. All at once, they pulled her under the massive weight of every emotion she’d ever experienced. Every. Single. One… They yanked and held her under them until she couldn’t breathe.

  She tried to suck in air and looked down to where David’s and her hands were joined. The warmth there grew incredibly hot as it spread up her arm.

  “Baby,” David whispered.

  No! She didn’t want this again. She would lose him. Them! All of them… She’d destroy them.

  It was too much. So much sorrow and fear. David’s thumb caressed the back of her hand. So much love.

  Jane’s breathing grew harsher. She was stuck in a vortex of memories and emotion. She wasn’t strong enough. She couldn’t fight. She couldn’t fail again.

  Like a trapped animal, she searched the room, looking for a way to escape. The concern from the knights and Arthur was overwhelming. They weren’t supposed to care. They were supposed to hate her—want nothing to do with her.

  She raised a hand to her head. It hurt. Everything hurt. She couldn’t take anymore. Why couldn’t he see that? Why did everyone think it was so easy to just keep going?

  I don’t want to feel anymore, she thought more violently than she expected.

  She looked up at David, then back at her home where Nathan continued to cry. Jason continued his attempt to comfort their son while Natalie finally succumbed to her sorrow.

  Shallower breaths escaped Jane as she listened. Their cries for her spun around her mind. She shouldn’t have had to leave them. She should be the one comforting them. She should be there. She should have been good enough for them.

  I’m hurting them, she wept internally. I’ll always hurt them. I’ll destroy them…

  David stepped closer to her, but she felt so angry with him and roughly threw his hand off hers. The knights looked at her with shock, but she glared solely at David.

  Her fury vanished when she stared into his eyes. No. She wasn’t mad at him; he hadn’t done anything wrong. But the only way to keep the darkness from escaping was to hide it with anger. She wanted to cry but kept her furious gaze fixed on him. He looked so worried.

  I’m sorry.

  “Jane, it’s okay. We are here with you. It’s all right to be sad.”

  She didn’t respond to his comfort and closed her eyes before letting out a slow breath. She wouldn’t let herself hurt them.

  No more. Hide. Save them…

  David stood still, watching her with her eyes closed. No one spoke. No one moved except for Arthur who was clutching his head like he was experiencing the worst headache of his life. David knew the risk of bringing her here, but he didn’t expect to be on the receiving end of her rage.

  Finally, Jane took a breath and opened her eyes.

  Empty.

  Dull amber colored eyes greeted him. No green; no specks of gold fire dancing for the emerald flames that sparked from time to time. No olive-green when it swallowed the golden-brown during her sorrow. She was gone.

  “I’m going to be downstairs.” She didn’t wait for a response, and left the room.

  David stared at her retreating figure in agony. His brothers all looked from the now empty door to him, but he was too shocked to speak.

  “Follow her before she goes anywhere else,” Arthur said coldly.

  David broke out of his frozen state and walked past the others to go find her. He knew she hadn’t left, but he hurried down the stairs as his senses picked up a new presence in the house.

  Rage consumed him as he rounded the corner, finding a man in a black cloak standing close to Jane. At first David thought it was Death, but he was leaner in build and though his hair was black and styled in the same messy spiked up style Death’s hair was, his skin was pale. Very pale.

  “Oh, Jane,” the man said, cupping her cheek. “What’s happened to you?”

  David saw red. Jane’s back was to him, so he rushed forward and yanked her away, shoving her behind him as he quickly enclosed his hand around the intruder’s throat.

  David snarled and lifted the man off the ground. “Who are you?” He tightened his grip. “Where in the hell did you come from?”

  The man let out a choked laugh, and David loosened his grip only enough so the man could answer him.

  “Interesting choice of words there.” He gasped and tried to free himself.

  David glared and slammed the man’s back against the wall. “You have five seconds before I rip your fucking throat out.”

  “I do not mean you nor Jane any harm. I’m a friend.”

  The fact this stranger knew her name enraged him. “Leave her out of this and answer me or you will meet your death.”

  The man laughed sharply before responding. “Death would do worse than kill me if I ever harmed her. I would know, he’s my master, after all.”
>
  “Speak your name!”

  A painful smile worked its way on the man’s pale lips. “I am Hades.”

  ARTHUR QUICKLY MOVED FORWARD and placed a hand on David’s shoulder. “He’s telling the truth. Let him go, David. He won’t harm her.”

  David looked to Arthur and back at Hades before dropping him to the floor. He watched the so-called God of the Underworld stumble as he let out a growl and walked back to Jane. He cupped her face and checked her for injuries. Once satisfied she wasn’t harmed, he studied her eyes. The beautiful green and brown color he loved was still absent. His Jane was still missing.

  He sighed, not sure if he felt relieved because she didn’t seem upset over him attacking a stranger for simply talking to her. It should have had some reaction, but she seemed completely unfazed by the uproar. David pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her as he placed a quick kiss to her head. She wasn’t affected by his touch now, but he had seen she’d felt something earlier. It had caused an unexpectedly violent outburst from her, but it was still something. He’d take her wrath if it meant she was truly there. But she wasn’t.

  She stood with her arms limp at her sides as he held her. She looked around her from time to time but didn’t seem to really take in anything further than a physical examination before she went back to staring off at nothing.

  Hades watched them quietly before he spoke again. “What happened to her?”

  David mentally told his brother-in-law to deal with things for a minute.

  Arthur nodded and turned to Hades. “She’s fine—just under a lot of stress. How did you get in here without us knowing?”

  Hades grinned. “You learn a few things when you work for Death.”

  “Quit wasting our time.” Gawain stormed up to Hades. “What do you want?”

  “Death is my master. He gave me orders to gather those loyal to us after I informed him Ares and Hermes were close by. I had been looking for him, and that’s when I noticed Hermes watching your camp. At the time, Jane and Death were outside together. He wasn’t happy. He said he’d deal with it, but I haven’t seen him since then. His last orders to me were to have my niece find the rogues your knights have been scouting.” He looked at Jane. “When is the last time Death was with her?”

  “He left two days ago,” Arthur answered. “Do you know where he went?”

  Hades shook his head. “No. He left me at the same time. I have a feeling he went to visit the angel Azrael. There is chaos in the different realms, not just Earth, and he may have received news that took him elsewhere.”

  Arthur glanced at David, then back to Hades. “Do you have a way to send for him?”

  Hades looked at David. “Yes. She should, as well.” He scanned her. “If he can sense her, of course.”

  David sighed and hugged Jane. She wasn’t feeling anything, and that meant Death had no idea she needed help.

  “Does he have a telepathic link to her?” Arthur asked.

  Hades shrugged. “He doesn’t like speaking about her to anyone. Until now, he’s kept her a secret.”

  Arthur nodded. “Do you have a telepathic link to him, then?”

  “My bond allows me to send a distress signal.” He laughed lightly. “He doesn’t always come. Actually, he rarely comes. And I doubt he will care since he does not know I’m with her. Should I try anyway?”

  Arthur sighed. “No. She is not in any immediate harm. If he has business, let him attend to it. We can discuss why you came here.”

  “I met with one of my niece’s scouts. They attacked the rogues but suffered losses. Apparently the rogues have new weaponry, and she had to retreat.”

  “And Ares and Hermes?” Arthur asked.

  “I was tracking Hermes, but I think he knew I was following him. He led me to the south, then I lost all traces of him. When I came back here, I picked up signs he had joined with Ares. The problem is they are traveling faster than I am capable on my own, and they can hide themselves. Though, with the pattern they’ve continued, I fear they are planning out an attack on your knights.”

  Gawain scoffed. “Are we are supposed to believe you’re here to warn us? This sounds like a trap you Olympians schemed up.”

  “Have you ever seen me among the Olympians, Knight?” Hades asked, glaring at Gawain. “Since the age when men worshiped my brother, I have been Death’s servant. If you doubt me, ask your king to inform you what he’s been digging out of my mind.”

  Arthur nodded. “He speaks the truth, Gawain. He is a loyal servant of Death. We will trust him for now. After all, Death will do worse if he betrays us.”

  “Yes, he would.” Hades smirked as he looked at Jane. “I have seen first-hand what he does to those who bring her harm, and I have no desire to be on the receiving end of his wrath.”

  “What were you planning to do with the rogues?” Arthur asked.

  “I want to attack before they increase in numbers. If they join with Ares and Hermes, we are all in danger. I hoped we could combine forces, eliminate the rogues, then focus on my nephews.”

  “How far are the rogues? Do you have any information on Lancelot?” Arthur asked.

  “The rogues will take half a day to reach. Last I heard on Lancelot was he headed north.”

  David glanced down at Jane’s face and noticed she at least had her gaze fixed on Hades. It made him wonder if she would be stimulated by hearing news about Death or even meeting the God of the Underworld since she seemed to already be fascinated by myths. Yet, looking at her empty expression, he knew she was still hiding in her mind.

  “If we leave now, we will reach their camp by sunset.” Hades took a step in David and Jane’s direction. “I do not think it wise to let Jane come.”

  David held her tighter. There was no way he was leaving her.

  Arthur sighed. “David, he’s probably right. Jane is in no state to fight or travel right now. You will only be distracted if she is there. Plus, she has yet to engage other vampires. We don’t want to have a repeat of the first time she fought the wolves.”

  David let out a harsh breath before he pulled back and tilted her face up. She stared at him without fear, anger or sadness. He rubbed her cold cheek, then pulled her back to his chest as he returned his gaze to Arthur and Hades. “She fought bravely in her first and second battles.”

  “David, I did not mean she was not brave,” Arthur said. “Like you, I do not wish to see her like that again. What’s happening in her head is not safe.” They all glanced down at her, but she didn’t seem to care they were talking about her. “She doesn’t care,” Arthur said, responding to David’s thoughts. “She felt so much up there; more than I have ever felt, but she locked it all away. She is only watching, David. She cannot come with us.”

  David swallowed, wondering if Arthur meant she would never return. He pushed her hair aside and cupped one side of her face so she’d look up. She did, but his baby wasn’t looking back at him. “I need a moment with her.”

  Arthur gestured with a nod for the others to go. “Take your time. We will prepare what we need to leave. She will be safe here, David. Dagonet and Lucan will keep an eye on her, and we will be back before you know it.”

  David gave them a stiff nod while he eyed Hades, who had yet to take his eyes off Jane.

  Hades smiled softly at Jane and walked up to them. “It’s lovely to finally meet you, Jane. You have no idea how much you mean to Death, young beauty. You are so loved. Never forget or doubt his or your knight’s love for you.” David was surprised to see a flicker of emerald color spread through her eyes, but it faded before he could begin to hope. “Don’t give up, Jane. You are stronger than you think.” Hades glanced up to David, nodded, then left the house.

  “Let me feed you, sweetheart,” he said, looking back down after a few short moments. She didn’t respond, so he took her hand and led her into a bedroom nearby.

  Jane watched David with little interest. She knew he was leaving with Hades and the others. He was upset about
leaving her, but she didn’t understand why. The incident in the upstairs bedroom briefly came to mind, and she concluded that had upset him.

  She had already gotten over it, though. She had brushed the entire incident aside.

  She jerked at the sudden tingling sensation as David brushed his fingers along her jaw. He paused and watched her. His hand remained, slowly warming her skin with tiny sparks bursting where he touched her.

  “Sweetheart,” he said, trailing his finger and those sparks along her jawline. It felt nice now, not like a fire threatening to engulf her. “Are you going to be all right if I go?”

  She ignored the sudden desire to lean into his hand. “Yes.”

  “Come here.” He pulled her to sit sideways on his lap and offered his wrist. “Drink. I don’t want anything happening while I am gone.” All her focus went to the pulse visible on his wrist. “Go on, sweetheart.”

  She pulled his arm to her mouth and bit without thinking. Sweet blood poured down her throat, and a faint current hummed between them. She remembered she had loved connecting with him this way, and now she felt herself wanting to connect with him in every way.

  It will hurt when he’s gone...

  Jane immediately stopped sucking and let go of his arm. She glanced around the room, almost expecting to find someone in there with them, though she didn’t know why she thought they weren’t alone.

  He will let you down like they all do, another thought whispered.

  Her head throbbed. She hadn’t meant to think of connecting with him, but the electric shock of his touch and blood made something powerful rise inside her. Heat pulsed in her chest and she realized its rhythm matched his heartbeat. Every beat, something roared and pounded as if it was trapped behind a door.

  She glanced at him. He was so handsome. Something inside her reached out for him, and she ached because it could not reach him.

  She didn’t want this, though. As his blue eyes drifted over her, the despair washing down on her shifted. The spark ignited, giving her a painful sting, then slowly burned her heart.