Gods & Monsters: The Gods & Monsters Trilogy Book 1 Read online

  Jane didn’t like how upset he sounded with himself. “What if she comes back?”

  “I will be with you.” He promised. “But you will need David, Jane. I don’t like him, but he will help you keep her back.”

  She sniffed and roughly wiped the tears from her face. “I can’t have him with me right now—it’s too confusing. And I hurt him too badly. I could see it on his face. He thinks I lied.”

  “About?”

  “Us. I could see he felt betrayed.”

  “You didn’t lie, though. You didn’t remember me until I lifted the block when I kissed you.”

  “He saw us kiss.” She was only commenting this, further realizing the pain she’d inflicted. What would she have done if David had kissed another?

  Death chuckled. “Good thing he doesn’t know that’s not our first kiss.” Tears slid down her cheeks. She didn’t know how to feel. “I’m sorry, Sweet Jane. I do not mean to hurt you like this. It has been hard to see you in his arms.”

  “I’m sorry.” She felt like she was betraying them: Death, David, and Jason.

  “Don’t be. You didn’t remember me when Jason asked you to start a relationship with him. I made the choice to remove myself from your memories, not you.”

  “I still feel awful. I feel like I betrayed you with Jason, then I was betraying Jason with David and then there’s you, I feel like I’m betraying both of them because it’s like I never stopped loving you.”

  “You still love me?”

  She looked up and met his intense gaze. Those green eyes that always seemed to linger in the back of her mind were staring at her now. She’d craved them even when she didn’t know who they belonged to. “I still love you, Death.”

  He smiled and slid his fingers down the path of her tears. The tingling sensation made her weep more. He’d been there every time she cried. “Don’t worry over us.”

  “What do you think he’s thinking about us?”

  Death sighed. “If I were him, I’d assume you had a relationship with me before and kept it secret. Considering Arthur can read minds; David will probably demand to know why he wasn’t told about me.”

  “Could Arthur see you in my mind?”

  “No. Just like you, he hit my walls every time he searched.”

  She nodded, relieved that at least Arthur could vouch for her. If David ever looked at her the way others did, she’d break. “What does this mean for us? I don’t know what’s right.”

  “It’s up to you,” he said.

  She touched his cheek, smiling sadly as the beautiful sensation danced from his skin to hers. “I don’t know what to do. But I won’t give you up.”

  He grinned and turned his face to kiss her fingers. “You don’t have to, Sweet Jane. I’m yours.”

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S BEEN ALMOST TEN YEARS since we’ve been like this,” Jane murmured, nuzzling Death’s chest when she began trembling as thoughts of the recent events bombarded her mind. It was too much, and she was struggling to process the onslaught of memories from her past with Death. The life she thought she’d known now clashed with the one she actually had, pushing her mind so far to the brink, she physically clutched Death, afraid he might not really be there.

  Death chuckled and slid his hand along her arm. “I’ve been with you like this. You just didn’t know I was there.”

  “The tingles?”

  “You know I never liked when you said that about my touch. You are closer to my physical age—at least use a mature word to describe our contact.”

  She smiled, loosening her grip on him. “I love the tingles.” He sighed, and the tightness in her chest eased. They had always been so comfortable with each other. Playful. “Was that really you?”

  He kissed her forehead. “Yes. I wanted to do more, but I tried to be there as often as I could. I held you when you cried in bed, whispered in your ear when I knew you needed to hear my voice, and I kissed you when I couldn’t stop myself—when I could not stand the sight of your sadness.”

  A tear quickly fell from her eye. It was hard to grasp he’d never left. It broke her heart as much as it filled it with peace. “Sometimes I thought someone was speaking to me in my dreams.”

  “It is easier for you to hear me when you’re asleep. I cannot read your mind or speak telepathically with you, but I’d kneel beside you and talk to you. When your emotions consumed you, you would lose the rational side of your mind, and there was nothing to tell you I wasn’t real.”

  “I felt crazy, though.”

  “I know. I wanted to reveal myself, but I thought I was doing the right thing. You are all I feel. I ached every time I had to leave you, but I had to keep you secret. If others had found out I’d formed some sort of relationship with anyone, they would have harmed you more than they already were. Even now, I risk losing you. My veil is the most powerful, but we will be found out in time.”

  “I won’t give you up again,” she said fiercely. “If I lose you, I lose me.”

  “So would I, Sweet Jane.”

  She pressed her ear to his heart, smiling because she’d done the same thing when she was a child. “Do you remember when we first met?”

  Death kissed her hair. “Of course. I’ll never forget.”

  Five-year-old Jane had whimpered as she opened her watery eyes. Every part of her body had hurt while her head throbbed. Nothing made sense. Screaming. That had been the last thing she remembered.

  Her panicked breaths were the only noise filling the dead air. She looked around the smoke and twisted metal surrounding her, until she spotted her little brother. “Jack?” He did not stir.

  Stinging tears blurred her sight and eventually soaked her cheeks. Jack was still strapped in his booster seat. Blood dripped down his cute face and seeped through his shirt, but she hoped he was only asleep. She stretched and touched his lifeless little hand. “Jack?” She cried. “Wake up, Jack.” Still, he didn’t move. Even his chest was still. It didn’t look right. “Mommy! Daddy!” No one responded.

  It became harder to breathe, and she felt so sleepy. She’d cried and cried, but now, she only wanted to sleep. Just as she felt herself drifting away, a green flash lit the demolished car. She turned her head and fought closing her eyes as a figure inside the green light came closer. A man.

  Finally, he was close enough that she could see his face. She stared at his green eyes, then the rest of his face. He was pretty—so pretty. She wanted to go with him and stay with him always.

  He smiled, and his eyes glowed brighter. The pain she’d felt went away, and her chest warmed. For a moment, he simply watched her—studied her face until he reached out and pushed the hair away from her forehead. As soon as they touched, a tingling sensation spread throughout her body. She never wanted it to go away.

  The man pulled his hand back, looked at his fingertips before he placed them on her forehead again. “Shh… it’s all right, little one.”

  His voice made her want to smile. “I’m scared.”

  “Don’t be afraid. I will not harm you.”

  “It won’t hurt?”

  He tilted his head. “What won’t hurt, baby girl?”

  “When you take me with you. When I die.”

  He said nothing for what seemed like a long time and kept staring at her. His gaze continuously swept over her face and every time his eyes met hers, they’d burn bright green. “You’re not going to die,” he finally said.

  “I’m not?”

  “No. I am going to make the pain go away, and you will go to sleep for a while.”

  “Will you come see me again?” Her eyelids felt so heavy. She did not want him to leave. She had wanted to go with him.

  He smiled, the most beautiful smile she would ever see. “I will come see you again.” Death had lowered his face to hers and an inch from her lips, he had murmured, “Now sleep, Sweet Jane.”

  The distant memory slipped away from Jane, and she smiled. “You were my first kiss.”

  He chuckled. “I
suppose I was.”

  “It’s hard to process that you came back after my family died. You had come every night for almost a year and held me until I fell asleep.”

  “You were so sad,” he said, resting his cheek on the top of her head. “Your aunt and uncle did not comfort you like they should have. I don’t like it when you’re sad. I’d never felt anything before—then this little girl had me wrapped around her little finger, begging me to tell her stories until she was dreaming of dragons and knights. I told you knights were real.”

  She grinned, warmed by his affection. She did remember his stories of battles and myths. “You always made me happy. I wish you could have stayed.”

  “I had to leave. I have a duty to fulfill. It was never right for me to be with you; you were human. No matter how much I wanted to take care of you, it was wrong.”

  She shook her head and pulled herself closer to him. “It wasn’t wrong. When you left me, it all fell apart. I needed you, and you weren’t there. I didn’t understand why you’d left. They told me you were an imaginary friend I’d created to help me mourn my family’s death.”

  Death wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. “I’m sorry. When I kept you alive, I was afraid to let anyone find out about you. I shielded you with my veil. My own reapers could not locate me because I refused to give you away. I did not understand leaving you to grow up would turn out so disastrously. I always meant to come back, but there were many responsibilities I had to attend to. I’d never felt panic and pain before, but finding you barely conscious with empty bottles on your dresser—I lost my mind.”

  “I saw you, you know? When you came that time. It’s so strange to realize you’d been there. It feels like I have two lives now.”

  Fourteen-year-old Jane had weakly turned her head toward the green glow that had illuminated her room. Jane had not been able to see him, but she had felt his presence and smiled. It had been so long, but he’d finally come to take her. He hadn’t been a figment of her imagination after all.

  Only the outline of Death’s figure was visible as he stood over her. She wanted to touch his face—to hear his voice. It hadn’t been her intention to kill herself, but now that it was done, the medicine mixed with her blood, she was ready to follow him.

  But he didn’t take her.

  Through the broken images of the paramedics working and speaking to her cousin, she faintly caught a glimpse of two separate flashes of white light before Death growled and turned away.

  After that, there were only flickers of what happened: the white lights of the ceiling passing overhead as they wheeled her on the bed down the halls, and the strangers looming over her as they asked questions she did not care to answer. She just wanted to be with him now. But they wouldn’t leave her be. There were tubes and so many needles.

  “Don’t spit it out, sweetie,” someone said. “You need to relax. This will absorb what’s left in your stomach.”

  She didn’t like it. The needles didn’t sting, and the nurses pulling off her clothes didn’t embarrass her, but she did not like this sensation of having a tube shoved down her throat.

  “No, sweetie. Let us help you.”

  She tried to shake her head as they pulled away the cloth they’d wiped her mouth with. Black liquid soaked the towel, and she realized that was what seeped down the side of her mouth.

  “ENOUGH, JANE!” Death’s voice seemed to be everywhere but nowhere at the same time.

  “How much did they say she took? And when?” someone asked.

  Jane knew the answer, but she could not talk. The medic still assisting the doctors supplied the answer, though.

  Death’s voice came back as the medic informed the doctors and nurses. “Why, baby girl? How could you do this?” She wanted to tell him what had happened since he’d left, but she didn’t know how.

  “Jesus. She’s so young,” said one of the nurses.

  “Jane, sweetie.” A different nurse leaned over her face. “You need to keep this down. I know you don’t like how it feels, but this is going to help you.” The nurse shook her head at someone. “She’s still not swallowing.”

  Tingles, she’d thought she’d dreamed up as a little girl slid back and forth over her forehead. “Stop fighting them.” Even though she could no longer feel her body, his voice kissed her skin in a way only he could. “You will not die—I will not allow it. But if you do not do as they say, you will suffer more than you already will.” For a tiny moment, she saw his face. So terrifying. So beautiful. He smiled. “That’s my girl.”

  The nurse praised her as she swallowed the activated charcoal being pumped into her stomach.

  After a while, she only woke to turn her head and throw up a black substance or when a nurse would draw more vials of blood. And every time, he was there. Watching.

  “Sleep, Sweet Jane. I will be here when you wake.”

  Five days of hospitalization seemed to last forever. His presence remained the entire time, though.

  When a male nurse walked up to her side, she sleepily turned to look at his eyes. Their unusual shade of emerald reminded her of Death, and so did his smile. “Hey, baby girl.”

  “Hi,” she whispered, unable to look away from his gaze. “Do I know you?”

  He didn’t answer, but he caressed the side of her cheek. Tingles.

  “Death,” she said.

  “Shh… They are watching us.”

  “Who?”

  He had looked up at the ceiling but did not answer her question. “Do not speak of me to anyone. Do not call for me. I am already here.”

  “They’re sending me home tomorrow.”

  Death had nodded and rubbed her cheek. “The demon who attached himself to your cousin has fled. I’m so sorry, Sweet Jane. I did not know. I will hunt him down and slay him. I promise you it will not hurt you again.”

  “Do you still believe it was only a demon in Stephen that made him do everything to me?” Jane asked, opening her eyes, no longer seeing the hospital she’d been in as a teenager and, instead, she was back in the bedroom.

  “Anyone is capable of doing evil, Jane. It is difficult to say how long your cousin was under the influence of a demon. I do not know if he would have been different had he not been persuaded by darkness. Still, he made the choice to hurt you.”

  “What happened when you left to hunt it?”

  He let out a hissing sound and squeezed her. “It was more than one. The one I finally managed to capture and torture was the one who had been with Stephen during your overdose. He held out long enough for another to seduce Stephen, and by the time I realized that, it was too late. You’d already been abused again, and Adam had fought Stephen.”

  “Did you keep Stephen from dying?”

  He chuckled. “No. You are the only being I have spared. Others may have escaped by prolonging their time on Earth with immortality, but I wait for them. You, however, are someone I will not part with.”

  “Is he dead now?”

  “Yes, angel. All but Adam are dead. I might have woken Stephen long enough for him to experience his end.” She nodded, not sure how she felt about her abuser being dead or that Death had made him suffer before he died.

  Her heart pounded as she considered asking him about their relationship.

  “I know you want to ask about what happened between us,” he said, twirling a lock of her hair before letting it slide between his fingers. “Ask.”

  “You made sure you came every night after the boys went away. I was young, I know, but I thought you cared about me more than just a young girl.”

  “You have always been more than a girl to me, Jane, but you were a child. You certainly were more mature, in your own way. Apart from when I came to you at night, and you would try to scare me.” He chuckled, kissing her head. “Still, you were a human child.”

  “You could have pretended to be scared at least once.”

  Death sighed and took her hand, playing with her fingers. “I have the most powerful
veil in all realms. I could have hidden you somewhere, but I would not have been able to be there all the time. I’d still leave to carry out my duty, and I could not see you living that life.”

  “I would have followed you.”

  “I know. But I wanted you to be happy. I saw nothing for us.”

  “Even on my birthday? When we—”

  “When you asked me to kiss you?” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “Baby girl, you were only seventeen.”

  Jane teared up and looked across the wall as she remembered that night.

  He’d been late. Death had been punctual and consistent in his visits since her cousins were taken away. Every night he had come and either told her stories or simply held her to push away the bad memories.

  “Happy Birthday, Sweet Jane,” he whispered in her ear.

  She whirled around, smiling as she lunged forward to hug him. “I thought you forgot!”

  He grinned and hugged her. “Never. Did you have a good day?”

  Jane shrugged. “That Jason boy asked me to go to the movies with him, and Wendy bought me a cupcake.”

  He nodded and held her away, looking her over. “You still look the same.”

  She glared at him. “I saw you last night.”

  He chuckled. “Are you going to go out with that boy?”

  “No,” she said quickly. “Why would I?”

  “Is that not what humans do?”

  “If they are friends or dating, yes. I think he wants to be more than my friend.”

  He smiled, but it wasn’t his usual smile that made her heart flutter. “Do you want a boyfriend?”

  She blushed and nodded. “I like someone.”

  “You do?”

  “I love him, actually. I’m in love with him.”

  He tilted his head. “How do you know?”

  She frowned. “That I’m in love with him?” He nodded. “I don’t know. I think I loved him before I even met him.”

  “So why not go on this date?”

  “It’s not Jason that I love,” she whispered quickly. Death was quiet as he watched her. She didn’t know if he could see she had realized her true feelings, and she feared he would deny her. She’d felt this way for as long as she could remember but only recently begun to realize what it meant. “Death, I’d like a present from you.”