Gods & Monsters: The Gods & Monsters Trilogy Book 1 Page 11

  David paced, and when the sound of her sweet laughter reached his ears, he bared his fangs, snarling, “Can you hear that? He’s laughing with her! It should be me she’s comfortable with. Not him.” He was nearly yelling as he jabbed his finger toward the window of the room she was in.

  “Everybody is comfortable with Gawain. He’s an idiot.” Arthur sighed when David glared at him, but he continued expressing his point of view. “She is just overwhelmed with the feelings you are stirring in her. It scares her, and she feels like an awful person for finding you attractive. You have to remember she is dealing with losing her family all over again while trying to accept she’s become one of us. That’s all before you come into the situation.”

  David stopped his pacing and sighed, looking up toward the sky. “I did not think of it that way.”

  “I know, and that’s not your fault. You have been the most patient man I have ever known. Unfortunately, you must continue to show patience. If you push her, you run the risk of losing her forever.” Arthur paused. “She has had a painful life, brother.”

  David looked to Arthur quickly. “What do you mean?”

  “It is probably better if she opens up to you in her own time,” Arthur said slowly. “I will say, though, the abuse she’s suffered has left her damaged. She’s hiding a lot from me; I do not think I can fathom all that she’s suppressing, but it’s taking a toll on her. She’s been doing it for a very long time. If you force her to return your feelings before she is ready, I do not think she can balance everything out. We all saw she has power we do not. If she does not figure out a way to harness it, and that pain inside her breaks free, she could be lost to darkness.”

  David wanted to demand Arthur tell him what she’d suffered through. If Arthur was unwilling to divulge anything further, he knew it had to be terrible. He sensed she was sad, but who wouldn’t be under these conditions? “Do you think she has been this way for long?”

  Arthur nodded. “Like I said, she’s suppressing a lot. It’s almost as if she does not know all that she’s hidden.”

  David frowned. “How is that possible?”

  “I don’t know. Her mind is very complex. She’s thinking a hundred different things every minute, but some of her memories are sealed away. She’s very open with certain thoughts, though. For example, her giddiness over how attractive we are.”

  He glared at him. “Be serious, Arthur.”

  Arthur laughed softly. “I am. Despite her sadness and knowledge from the experiences she’s lived through, she is very silly. Girly, I think they say. She has an innocence about her I have not experienced in some time. I think the playful personality she’s hidden away will suit your serious nature.”

  David sighed. “She does not seem playful, brother. She is terrified of me.”

  “She thinks you’re sexy,” Arthur said, smiling. “She thought I was handsome as well, but nowhere close to how sexy she thinks you are.”

  David’s lip twitched as he fought the urge to smile. “Quit trying to distract me from what you refuse to say.”

  Arthur ran his hand through his hair. “Fine. While she slept, she had very vivid nightmares. I think your presence helped her from becoming too frightened by them, but she still dreamt awful things. I couldn’t escape them, and it took me a while to realize they were more than her imagination. They were memories.

  “A few moments ago, Gawain told her something and it triggered an onslaught of memories in her mind. When she was asleep, I had sensed something dark, but she had it hidden. She hides it so she can function, but he said something that triggered a painful event in her past—several, actually. The pain and amount of trauma she relived for those few seconds nearly knocked me to the ground.”

  David’s heart was pounding. “Is she all right?”

  Arthur held up a hand before he ran upstairs. “She was able to suppress it. This is normal for her. I think she has some type of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.”

  “What was the memory?” David began pacing again. “What happened to her?”

  Arthur sighed. “Let her open up to you. I feel sick for accidentally obtaining those memories without her permission. She’s very ashamed. She hates nearly everything about herself. If you barge in there knowing what she finds disgusting about herself, she will break down.”

  David groaned and looked up at the moon. “This only frustrates me more.” His chest felt like it was being crushed. “She hates herself?”

  “Just be patient. Despite her method of avoiding or hiding painful memories, she’s very honest and good. Like I said, she has a very innocent, playful mind, but she’s been by herself in all of this.”

  David’s mind was racing. “Why would she be alone?”

  Arthur gave him a sad smile. “She does not trust easily, and she refuses to burden others with how she hurts inside.”

  “She wouldn’t be burdening me.”

  “I know, but she will not see it that way. It’s been a long time since she’s had someone there for her. Once she sees you are honest and trustworthy, I am sure she’ll open up. As I said before, she is very silly at heart. She’s just had too much crushing it to let her be her. I think Gawain and Gareth will be good for her, too. She’s already comfortable with Gawain.”

  David looked over to the window again, ignoring how comfortable she was with his friend and not him. “It’s that bad?” He prayed it wasn’t what he was already fearing.

  “Yes.”

  “What should I do?”

  “I don’t know,” Arthur admitted. “I would give her time to come to terms with your bond. Her marriage wasn’t perfect, but she’s loyal. It’s eating her up that she’s so attracted to you. I’ve quickly gathered she avoids thinking about him because she feels guilty for ogling you. Neither of you are really at fault for that. You know how hard it is to not look at her, it’s the same for her.”

  David hated this. “I cannot bear the thought of her hurting because of something I am responsible for.” This wasn’t how he envisioned his life after finding his Other. He would do whatever he had to and still wouldn’t trade her for anything, but it didn’t make it easy. Maybe I did something wrong?

  “You have done nothing wrong. I have faith everything will fall into place as it is meant to. She already has feelings for you. Let her accept them when she’s ready. The girl only woke up an hour ago. She’s figured out we are the knights. We are her favorite legends, apparently.” Arthur laughed. “She’s amusing, but I think she’s focusing on her excitement to hide what’s scaring her, and her guilt for wanting to be near you. That’s why she ran, the first time she saw you. At least you know that she does desire you.”

  David ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I won’t let her hate herself for being attracted to me. I will push her away until she is more stable. Since she likes Gawain, he can befriend her.”

  “David, you do not need to push her away.”

  “I do, though,” he said, growing aggravated with his decision. “All I want to do is be close to her, but to see her regret accepting my affection... it feels like a knife is in my heart.”

  “I am sorry, brother.”

  “Save your pity. I only meant that perhaps she hurts as well. She keeps tearing up whenever she looks at me. I do not think she realizes how much I can read from her expressions. She’s good at hiding her pain, but I see it.” He nodded to himself. “This is the right choice. She will not feel guilty and it will keep her from hurting. I won’t be far.”

  “As you wish,” Arthur relented. “I’ll be mindful of her thoughts. If I feel this is causing her harm, I will tell you.”

  “As soon as she feels bad, tell me. Now, how is her family?”

  Arthur’s face dropped. “They miss her, of course. The children, especially. Her husband remains strong, but he grieves. Her son is struggling most. He has autism, did you know?”

  David shook his head. “No. He has been quiet but I did not know.”

  “It’s not
severe,” Arthur said, nodding. “But it makes it more difficult for him to cope with her absence; I worry for him. I believe Jane was his main support, but her husband is trying his best. It seems like he doesn’t know him as well as Jane did. They are also running low on food and water.”

  “What about her daughter?”

  “She’s hurting more than she lets on. I think she tries to be strong for her father and brother.” Arthur smiled sadly. “Poor child. Like her mother, more than they both ever realized.”

  David tilted his head back and stared at the moon again. No matter how much it pleased him to have Jane, he never wanted to cause her family pain by taking her away.

  Arthur responded to his thought. “You did not take her away from them. We will find a way to make sure they are cared for.”

  “How? We are not allowed to reveal ourselves, and we will have to leave eventually. If Jane goes to them, she will want to stay. You know she cannot. She’ll kill them.”

  “We will let her know what we are going to do. It will relieve her to know we are caring for them. I’ll make sure she understands that she cannot return. Just like you are sacrificing for her, she will sacrifice for them.”

  David focused on the window. “She’s powerful. More than any of you.”

  Arthur looked over at it too. “We knew she would be different.”

  “She can’t go near them, Arthur. Not anytime soon, at least.”

  Arthur patted his shoulder. “We will help her understand the danger. Come. If you are distancing yourself, we might as well make a round together.”

  “You’re wrong,” Jane said, staring at Gawain. “There’s no way I’m his soul mate—or any type of savior of mankind. This is a mistake.”

  “I am not wrong, and you know it. You can feel the connection between the two of you. I saw it from the very moment you two laid eyes on one another.”

  “But I’m married,” she whispered. There was no use denying she felt a connection with David. Just thinking of him made her insides turn to mush. Looking into his eyes made her feel at home. “He’s waited so long for—”

  “You?” Gawain smiled. “He would wait until the end of the world.”

  “Which is now,” she whined.

  Gawain chuckled. “Oh, a few zombies are nothing for us.”

  “I’m not the girl for him, Gawain.”

  “Nonsense. You two are perfect for each other. I’m his best friend—I know these things.”

  “Even if I was good enough for him, I’m married.”

  Gawain sighed. “He knows that. He won’t force you into anything you do not want. Don’t worry, love. He will always do what he thinks is best for you. So will I. Think of me as a big brother. We’ll rub it in Gareth and Gaheris’s faces that I’m your favorite knight.”

  “Well, I lost my family a long time ago.” Even though saying this out loud saddened her, she couldn’t help but smile up at Gawain.

  He pulled her into a brotherly hug. “How about you go freshen up? Afterwards, I’ll introduce you to the others. They are all eager to meet you.”

  Jane pulled away and looked down at herself. She looked filthy. “Oh, God.”

  “I did not take you for one to get upset over a little blood and dirt.” He stood, still holding her hand, and led her to the door nearby. “Don’t be embarrassed. Look, we already gathered some clothes for you.”

  She walked inside and saw three stacks of folded clothes on the counter. There were black pants, tan pants, and jeans. She looked at the sizes and quickly looked up at Gawain. He was blushing. She grabbed the panties and bras, checking the sizes on each one. “How’d you know my size?”

  “Arthur suggested we start gathering items for you, but none of us attend to our wives’ garments. We did not know how to guess.”

  “Gawain,” she said sharply.

  He winced. “David checked your tags.” Her mouth fell open. “He looked at nothing else, love. I swear.”

  She covered her eyes. “He checked my panties and bra that I’m wearing?”

  “He was very respectful, Jane. He did not want to, but he wanted you comfortable when you woke. He did not allow any of us to look.”

  “Okay,” she mumbled, lowering her hand. “Can I be alone now?”

  “Call if you need anything.” He was out the door in a flash.

  “Why, God?” She turned to lock the door and stared at it for a second. “Like that’s going to keep out a vampire.” She shook her head and, turning around, she spotted the toilet. The instant urge to pee hit her hard.

  She’d never pulled her pants down so fast in her life. As she sat there relieving herself, the loudness of it shocked her. It’s not like she’d never peed loud before; she’d been pregnant with twins for God’s sake. It was just this sounded more like a roaring waterfall. “Oh, no.” She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to clench to no avail. She had to go.

  David’s voice sounded, but she could tell he was moving away.

  “Great. He just heard me pee like a race horse.” Jane finished and looked around the bathroom. It had a style similar to hers.

  She spotted a small window over the toilet. Lowering the lid, she stood on top and peeked out. She quickly spotted David standing with Arthur across the street, talking to two other men she hadn’t seen before. They only said a few words before they started walking down the street, and that’s when she recognized the house they passed.

  “My house,” she whispered, touching the glass. “Natalie, Nathan.” She covered her mouth and cried. She needed to see them.

  Jane rubbed the tears from her face and looked for the latch on the window. In her mind, all she could see were their faces, them crying for her. Nathan. He’s probably been so devastated.

  She sobbed and pushed the window open, only now realizing it was too narrow for her to fit through. “Shit.”

  She looked at her home and imagined herself holding her children again. She could almost hear their voices, their laughter, sniffing their baby smell that never really went away, and tasting their blood.

  Jane was at the door, wrapping her hand around the doorknob before any other thoughts passed her mind.

  She hissed when she locked eyes with a black pair across from her.

  Hissing again, she watched the monster hiss at the same time she did. It tilted its head and bared its fangs just as she moved.

  “Oh, God.” Jane covered her mouth. The monster copied her. She blinked and the black from the monster’s eyes turned to hazel. It was her reflection.

  She shook her head back and forth, realizing what she’d nearly done. All she had wanted was blood. Their blood. She had wanted their necks snapped and their bodies broken.

  Jane sobbed and fell to her knees. She couldn’t go home.

  I’m a monster.

  “Are you all right, Jane?” Gawain called from the other side of the door.

  “I’m fine.” She sniffed and slid on her butt.

  “Are you decent?”

  She chuckled and wiped her tears. “I’m fine, Gawain. Just a lot to process.”

  “You’re sure?”

  Jane stood up. “Yeah. I’m going to shower now.” She quickly turned the water on and turned back to stare at her reflection. Her eyes were hazel, glowing, but hazel. Not black.

  “All right, love. The lads are making you something to eat. But take your time.”

  “Thank you.” She kept staring at her reflection, knowing a monster was hidden there. “I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  She listened to his retreating footsteps, still staring at her reflection. Although she knew she looked different, she waited for the monster to show herself. When nothing happened, her thoughts went back to her family and almost instantly a pair of black eyes were glaring back at her.

  Jane gasped and closed her eyes, clearing all thoughts of her family. Don’t let me hurt them, she thought over and over. A tingling sensation spread out from her temple, and she sighed as it relaxed her.

 
“I have to stay away from them,” she whispered, opening her eyes. Hazel. “I can’t even think of them.” She nodded to her pitiful reflection and took off her clothes.

  Silently crying, she entered the shower and leaned back to let the water wash away her tears. “Don’t let me hurt them.”

  The tingle warmed as it slid around her body, quieting her cries, and the snarling, black-eyed monster.

  “AH, THERE SHE IS,” a male voice rang out.

  Jane looked over to see a young man—well, vampire—approaching as she came downstairs with Gawain.

  “Gareth, you were supposed to be making her meal,” Gawain said.

  Gareth shoved him aside and stepped in front of her. “Already done.” He smiled, looking her over and held out his hand. “I’m Gareth, Gawain’s younger and more handsome brother.”

  Jane took Gareth’s hand. “I’m Jane.”

  Just as Gawain did, Gareth placed a kiss on her hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Jane.”

  She blushed as Gareth winked, and Gawain shoved him. “Leave her alone.”

  “Afraid I cannot,” Gareth said. “We are up for watch after she has something to eat. The boys are waiting to meet her; she’s joining us.”

  Gawain shifted his eyes between Jane and Gareth. “Is David coming?”

  Gareth’s smile dropped. “He went with Arthur.”

  “He’s not coming with me?” She didn’t even know she’d spoken aloud until Gareth responded.

  “Do not worry, darling. He won’t let us keep you from him for too long.” He slung his arm over her shoulder and led her through the halls. “You’re a tiny thing, aren’t you?” She frowned as he laughed. “Don’t be upset—it’s a good thing. Gives you an extra advantage among your bigger opponents. You’ll be quick and hard to hit.”

  “She’s going to kick your ass,” said Gawain.

  “I can take her.” Gareth glared at his brother.

  Gawain laughed loudly. “I’m sure David is going to take that well.”